Cant jokes
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
Why are Asians good at math?
Because the dog can’t eat their homework.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it. Oh no, we'll have to go through it!"
Why can't science be combined with religion?
Because science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
Why can't Chinese people play football? They will eat the bat.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.