Cant jokes
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?
Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t have a home to run to.
Why can’t orphans go on school trips?
Parent's signature: _________
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
Why can't two Asians make a white kid?
Two wrongs don't make a white.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Why can't a little girl fly? She doesn't have the proper motivation.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
What's long, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't run home.