Cant jokes
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because walls.
Why do you only see girls in groups of 3, 5, 7, and 9?
Because they can’t even.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic
Why can't orphans open a family business?
Because there is no family.
Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩
My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Why can't two Asians have a white baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call “daddy.”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
What did the man's dick say to the man?
I just can't "hand"le it!
Why can’t orphans play catch?
They never had a dad to teach them.