Cant jokes
What do atoms and parents have in common to orphans? You can't see either of them.
What dog can’t see a dog that’s blind?
Guys, why are we being racist? Why can't we love each other, please? Gimme that dick, boy. Please stop fighting. Let's love each other and them big ole dicks, please. Gimme that dick. I hate racism.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
Why can't orphans make dad jokes? Because they don't have one.
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
What do you call a singer who can't make a song?
Taylor Swift.
Why do orphans always get picked on? They can't run and tell their parents.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Steven.
Can't you read? It says, "No Hawking."
What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?
You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
'Cause they can’t get home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
What were the terrorist of 9/11 thinking?
We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we'll have to go through it.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't make a homerun. 😂😂