What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
It's so sad that Stephen Hawking can't stand up for himself.
Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
Why can't vampires tell jokes right? All their jokes just SUCK.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
Why can't dinosaurs clap? 'Cause they're dead.
