Cant jokes
I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
Why can't dinosaurs clap? 'Cause they're dead.
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
He's dead.
I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?
A: He doesn't have the guts for it.
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
Why do you make fun of disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because it's not original at all.
Why is an orphan so bad at baseball?
Because they can't make it to home.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.
Stairs.
Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.