Cant jokes
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Can't wait for Stephen Hawking's next update.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there wasn’t a ramp.