Canning jokes

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

What instrument can a skeleton never play?

An organ.

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

What does my arm have in common with paper?

They both can be cut.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Why is April the smartest month?

It can never be fooled.

Why does Hitler wear glasses? Because he can Nazi without them.

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"

"Wait! I can explain everything!"

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

Why can't an orphan have milk?

His dad didn't come back with the milk.

What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?

Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.