Canning jokes

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home. 😀😀

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?

What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What's the difference between you and a bench?

A bench can hold a family.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""

"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"

A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.