Canning Jokes

A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.

A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

Like and comment if u can relate

The image shows a text about the meaning of each finger. It reads: "I have 5 fingers for a reason: My pinky finger: for my best friend, and the promises I will never break. My ring finger: for that special boy, when the time is right. My middle finger: for that b*tches who pushes me too far... My pointer finger: to pick out my dearest family members. My thumb: to show the rest of the world I'm going to be okay."

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

Can February march? -- No, but April may.

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?

A: He rapes D minor.

The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,

dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and

morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

I can’t stand disabled jokes...

Neither can they 😂

What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?

Wrong.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."