Canning Jokes

Rizz

Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you. Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.

Roses are red Lemons are sour Open your legs So I can devour

Can I get a HOYA

I can see my future in your forehead

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don't believe me I can pop my trunk

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free

"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying." -Charlie Chaplin

What cow can part water? Mooses

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed.. The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that's not Bubba. The second friend said he's burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that's not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don't know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

What is the smartest month?

April - No one can fool it.

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal? So that they can be wanted.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. They boy turns to the man and says, “Hey mister its getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?” So the man says: “How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flyin around about six inches above the water. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal.”

There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal.”

There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal.”

There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal.”

There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal.”

Then it all happened

The fly dropped six inches

The fish came up and caught the fly

The bear came out and caught the fish

The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich

The mouse went for the sandwich

The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond

The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.