Why do orphans commit crimes?
So they can be wanted for once.
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?
Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Old man: I ran over five miles today.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.
Q: Can orphans hit a home run?
A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.
Why can you slap an orphan?
Are they going to tell mommy?
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
Why do priests play Geometry Dash? Cuz they can beat Demons.
