Canning jokes

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.

What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

What's worse than a baby in a trash can?

A trash can in a baby.

Why do orphans commit crimes?

So they can be wanted for once.

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

What do the initials NOW stand for?

(A.) National Organization For Women

(B.) National Organization of Whores

(C.) All the above

Answer:

Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?

She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Why are orphans good at dodgeball?

They can dodge adoptions.

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."

What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.

What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?

Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...

What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.

Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.

Old man: I ran over five miles today.