Canning jokes
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
Memes
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A trash can in a baby.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
So they can be wanted for once.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.
What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?
Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Old man: I ran over five miles today.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.