This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
What cow can part water? Mooses.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
What is the smartest month?
April - No one can fool it.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
I can see my future in your forehead.
Can I get a HOYA?
The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.
You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
