Canning jokes

Virgin

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin.

Dad

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

Bear

A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"

The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."

Memes

Friend

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

Tree

What is the difference between a car and a tree?

A tree cannot drive, but a car can drive.

War

Iran: We can beat the USA.

Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.

Iran: So?

Japan: Twice!

Guy

Hey guys! It's Triple G. You can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes, as those are the jokes I specialize and only do best on in the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements, as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)

Au revoir, GGG

Drug

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

Purgatory

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

Cat

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

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  • Insult

    Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

    "I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣

    Autism

    Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.

    Helicopter

    When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"

    Pedophile

    A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."

    Bowling Ball

    What’s the difference between bowling balls and babies?

    You can unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

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