Canning jokes

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

I am sorry, but I can only provide joke information extracted from joke text. This post only contains a link.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?

One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

And I asked him what he is doing.

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-

What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

How much curry can an Indian eat? Until his red dot explodes.

9/11

This is so sad, can we hit 50 likes?!

Why does Trump play Minecraft?

'Cause he can build walls.

How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?

B minor.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"

What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"

If you're reading this, then good, let's stop this hating on this site! We can just get along, or if not, then don't say anything at all! "Kiss."

Kid: You're so fat!

Other kid: At least fat can be changed, but your ugly face can't be.

Can I put my baaaaalls in yo jaaaaaaws?

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Perform fellatio.

What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?

You can get on with a prostitute!