Can jokes
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?
I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.
The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.
Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.
That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.
Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.
Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.
But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
What's white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson.
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
🤔 🤔 🤔 Why did a ♿ why did a physically handicapped 👨 gay man that is a sex worker received $35.00 for a blowjob from gay men in the LGBT community? because he can suck the chrome of a tail pipe 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"