Can Jokes

Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

My frien liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can i have some milk?" He waited for three hours to get an answer. His mom finally said: "No your dad still isn't back with it."

I went up to the blind kid and said can u get that for me? and he said "I can't I'm blind" And so I said "I see"

girl: hey. orphan; hi girl; wanna be friends? orphan: sure girl:ok and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over

why do priests perform baptisms, so they can see children wet

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?

A: If you can not helium, you have to curium. If you can not curium, you have to barium!

Me: Hey how are you? Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3 Insomnia: Mommy can we get a home? Anxiety: Insomnia wait for mommy to finish. Depression: Anyway here is my resume! Me: Okie thank you, Ok... mhmmm.. WOW! Okie this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it..) Depression: Also I have 2 more friends that want to move in too! Me: Ok and there names? Depression: There names are: PTSD and Trauma! Me: Ok they seem fine (Doesn't know about them) Depression: Okie here is the money (a penny :() Thank you we will call you if we need anything. Me: Ok see you soon! :3 Me now hates my life. :)

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you? Your virginity

What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?

The elevator can raise a family

How can you save a depressed person from a tree? you cut the rope

An american is touring the Soviet union. A russian takes him to a school so he can see what its like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The american asks whats wrong and he cries "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"