Can jokes
How do you make a trash can leak?
Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
Me: Can I have your chair? 💺 You: Why? Me: For charity.
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?
Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?
Hug his parents.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.