Can jokes
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)
Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
Can you fuck me, please?
I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."
Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,
And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
Hitler walked so Kim can run.
Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: You can't find your dog.
Here are some skeleton jokes.
You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.
If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.
I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.
I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.
I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!
I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.
I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.
Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!
What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?
- One dead baby in five garbage cans.