Can jokes

What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?

You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?

I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.

Why are dolphins so smart?

Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk, walk home? Was your night night? You had fun? I had dinner, night time, and a tree. I had dinner. Is it a magic time? Dinner! I have been home. Was good.

What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human being is the one who can drive.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?

Me: He could feel it in his bones.

Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!

Heheh ;3

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.

Why do orphans love having sex?

Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."

Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."

What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.

What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?

Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?

A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”