Sister can I see your two big rabbits?
lmao why do people think they can fly
I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.
What two fights can Africa never win? A food fight and a water fight.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
How can one make Death Row a little more fun? Musical electric chairs.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies”, I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point..they sure as hell aren’t real now!
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7Up.
Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us? It’s the only place they can vote!
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board
“No I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken”.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.
So, gender equality is the a woman can do anything a man can right? That they should be treated the same? So therefore if she swings on me, I could punch her into the twin towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
