New Can Jokes - Page 67 - Worst Jokes Ever

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.

So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"

Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Perform fellatio.

What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?

A black eye.

As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.

Jessie?

Hey, can I tell you a joke about pencils? Never mind, it's pointless.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.