Can jokes
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.
What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.
What the can say to the tomato?
Tomato tomato potato potato find twelve recipe for the both 👍🏾
I put on ingredient sticker read for tasting good.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.