Call jokes
You know why they call her Wonder Woman?
She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What do you call an Indian gravedigger?
Digdeep.
What do you call a Turk eating turkey?
A cannibal.
I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.
Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.
So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?
Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.
Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______
New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."
Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.
You: What do you call a door knob without the lock?
Me: I don't know.
You: Are you sure?
Me: I don't know.
You: Okay.
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
What do you call a tree?
A treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait.
Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
Have you ever been to the new Disney park called SawCon?
SawCon deez nutz!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*