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Cleanliness

    • With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.

  • 1

    • Drink

    • A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

    The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

    The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

    The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

    She says, "Vinegar and water."

  • 1

    • Monkey

    • There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.

    One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."

    "I don't want to do it. You do it."

    "No, you do it."

    The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.

    The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.

    "Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."

    "No, you do it."

    The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.

    The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"

    The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."

    The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"

    "All I remember is that horrible smell..."

    The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."

  • 4

    • Titanic

    • The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.

  • 1

    • Car

    • Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

  • 1
    • Buy memes

    Cookie

    • There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

  • 2

    • Condom

    • I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

    I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

  • 1

    • Aunt

    • Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.

    Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.

    Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.

    Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.

  • 0

    • Video

    • In the realm of pixels and screens, Josh pursues videos, a world unseen. Six dollars exchange, a transaction made, A story told, emotions cascade.

    The power of film, a gift divine, Stirring souls, weaving through time. Six dollars spent, a connection formed, A simple act, a heart transformed.

    In every frame, a universe unfolds, Captivating minds, stories untold. Josh buys videos for six, a token small, Yet within them lies magic, captivating all.

  • 1

    • Scooter

    • The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

  • 4

    • Website

    • Hello, I am Alan Shawn Feinstein. I would like to know who the owner of this website "worstjokesever.com" is.

    I am interested in buying this website. Please respond to me in the comments or email me. Thank you, and keep doing good things.

    Kid

    • So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

    Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

    He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

    He then told me how easy would that be?

    I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."