Yo mama is so dumb that she went to the eye doctor just to buy an iPhone.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll-up.
Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
