Buy Jokes

My gf left me for spending my own money I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute she leaves me

Why couldn't the orphan buy chips

They were all family sized

Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?

Hebrews.

A girls walks into an Adult Store. "Hi I want to buy that Red Dildo right there"

Cashier: that's a Fire Extinguisher you whore"

A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers. But there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them. Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that too. After a few hours, he gets the tux. That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.

What do you call a non binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy

buy kfc= 1 more orphan in our fryers

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?

She wanted to be for sure for sure

sans why did you buy that pillow zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz grhrh SANS YOU F//K YOU WAKE THE F//K UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP FRISK COMES TO THE ROOM AND ./. YOU TELL PAPyrus wwhatt hapen hhhuh humaan heeheheheh sans dint picck up his soock so i ppunish him sans egjf

2 simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you step 1. Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size) step 2 . Run through Africa with that bottle of water. Perfect now You got yourself half the population there following you

Where do rape victims buy there clothes from?

The kids section

I was going to buy a watch today but I didn't have time

Why can orphans not grow big and strong because they need a parent to buy them steroids

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."

His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants. A guy walks buy and says ''Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants. The pirate responds ''I know. i'ts driving me nuts!''

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother. My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?