But jokes

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^