But jokes

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.

When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after.

(And you thought this would be a joke.)

Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.