But jokes

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*

I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.