But jokes

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.

I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.