But jokes

I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.