But jokes
When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."
I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
I would tell you a chemistry pun, but I won't get a reaction.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.
What has legs but can't walk?
A veteran.
I would make a clock joke, but I don't have time.
You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').
I know that my jokes are never punny but...
I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.
I tried to catch fog, but sadly, I missed.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They wanted pepperoni, but instead, they got plane.
I know 25 letters of the alphabet, but I don't know why.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.
How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.
Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!
Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.
(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)
Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?
All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.