But jokes

Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀

Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

Why were the Twin Towers angry on 9/11?

Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got instead was plane.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.

When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

I was going to join the debating team.

... but someone talked me out of it.

I'm so good at talking to myself but not to others.

I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.

Why were the Twin Towers made on 9/11? They ordered pepperoni pizza but got plane.

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.