But jokes

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"

My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Yo mama so fat that when she fell on the concrete, nobody laughed, but the concrete cracked up.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

I wanna take drowning lessons, but I can't find more than one session.

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

What is red, orange, and yellow but doesn’t feel anything when it falls? Autumn leaves. 🍁

Why were the Twin Towers so mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni, but instead they got plain!

Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?

Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.

Tell it to your parents and friends!

I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.

I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.

What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?

Answer: fire.

MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.

Two antennas got married. The ceremony dragged on, but the reception was excellent.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."