But jokes

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F.

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?

I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

What runs but does not walk? It's water.

Hey, I asked for a paper, but I thought it was a cut, but it turns out it was tearable.

Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:

Sit-ups: 50

Push-ups: 40

Squats: 30

Do 5 sets.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.