But jokes

What can you catch, but not throw?

What goes up but never comes down?

What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Smoking will kill you.

Bacon will kill you.

But, smoking bacon will cure it!

Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.

1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.

Why were the twin towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.

What has a head, a tail, but no body?

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.

I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza but it came plain.

Yo mama so fat, she fell over. Nobody laughed, but the ground cracked up.

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I don't know, but the Twin Towers do.

I tried to search stuff about 9/11 for a research project, but it didn’t work... I guess the site crashed.