But jokes

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Why were the Twin Towers angry?

Because they ordered pepperoni, but they got plane.

The orphan tried to play baseball, but he couldn't get home because home doesn't exist for him.

I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.

The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

Roses are red, that much is true.

But violets are violet, not f*ing blue!

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.

Because Jill's real name was Randy.

I made a website for orphans, but it did not have a home page.

I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

When you're in a cage But it's not real!

Being in a cage But you have the key.

Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

Living and realizing you've been born into one.

Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

But you can't live without them.

The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

Making a comforting breakfast.

But you have a knife.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.