But jokes

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"

Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?

They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.

You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.

I was going to make a bulimia joke, but suddenly it just felt so empty.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

I'd tell a child abuse joke, but I forget the punchline.

Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.