But jokes

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

I tried to catch fog, but I mist.

What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?

A dumpling.

This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.

But I realized I can't see him. LOL!

Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.

Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?

Yeah, it's called RobberBand.

Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.

When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."

The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"No, I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"

"Round the corner picking up shit."

I can't handle these puns...

But I can HAND you some puns!

Budum tiss!

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!

She was only a potato chip manufacturer's daughter--but she was Frito-Lay!

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!

Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?

Bruce Lee was no joking matter.

I was going to tell you a cow joke...

But it's pasture bed time.

The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.