But jokes

My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.

Curiosity killed the cat.

But for a while, I was a suspect.

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!

OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

What is always moving but we never see it walk?

Time! Hahahaha!

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

I tried to catch fog, but I mist.

What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?

A dumpling.

This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.

But I realized I can't see him. LOL!

Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.