But jokes
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
She was only a potato chip manufacturer's daughter--but she was Frito-Lay!
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.