But jokes

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

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    • What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!

    This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

    An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

    His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

    He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

    "MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

    "I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

    We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.

    A man (Ameenya Sheed) texts another man (Bob) and said,

    "Hi, I'm Ameenya Sheed."

    Bob: "You're not in my shed because I don't have one, but I have a garage. I don't think you're in there."

    So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

    Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

    I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.

    What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

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    • A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.

    Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.

    The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."

    According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

    Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

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    • Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

    The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

    A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.

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