But jokes

I would make a joke about your sister, but she banged me.

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."

Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.

I am sorry, but the provided text is just a link to a song on SoundCloud. There is no joke to correct or analyze.

I knew a girl called Melissa, but she was a tranny, and he could suck his own dick.

I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?

Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.

What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?

You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!

Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."

Student: "I need that."

I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.

I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."

Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers upset? They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plane.