But jokes

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?

What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.

Sleep, but make it forever.

Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.

"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

Riddles not jokes.

What has 4 legs but cannot walk?

What has bark but no bite?

There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?

What has holes but can carry water?

What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?

What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?

What can you catch but not throw?

And last one:

What can rule, but not command?

Tell me the answers in the comments.

Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/

One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

What do you call Shroud when he is hurt?

ShrOWd.

Guess what, Shroud is back on wje, I don't know why, but he is...

Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?

Dad: Ask your sister.

Daughter: But I don't have a sister.

Dad: Exactly.

Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?

I got a great corona virus joke, but you wouldn’t get it.

I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.

But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.