But jokes

You so fat you got thrown out the window, but the window threw you back inside.

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!

What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?

A different sized elephant.

Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.

And then Mark came in.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

Aha, tomato macaroni is bad, hahaha.

(I don't even know what on earth I put here, but okay.)

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.