Business jokes
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."
What restaurant does Africa own? M.T. Bellies.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.