Business jokes

What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?

They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.

How do you enter your house?

Through Bill Gates!

Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?

Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?

Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.

Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."

What restaurant does Africa own? M.T. Bellies.

How to decorate a wall:

Strip off the paper and original plaster.

Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.

Paint it (if you want).

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?

White Castle.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.