Business jokes
How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?
The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Welcome to codi's pizzeria and abortion clinic; your loss is our sauce!
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
We gotta work ahead, people!
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."
So the guy replies,
OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."
So the guy replies,
OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"
So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
ASDA.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
A girl named Ranch went to the store and stayed there. Why? Because she was ranched!
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.