Dad: What did your older brother say before he lost his virginity?
Son: Dad, please don't.
Dad: Exactly.
Why did my brother cross the road ? Because he was looking for his brain
My brother truly is a numbskull.
Cool kid: I slept with your sister.
Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.
Everyone else: :O
What do u call a girl that runs faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin!
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"
I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.
My brother likes his Vegemite so black, it stole our car.
You other brothers can’t deny that she’s fly.
Mom, Mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand.
Little Johnny, good! But he's not "bien" yet.
What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car. Lea looks at his puzzled then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?" Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
Ok,ok who is trying to be my "long lost brother" because last time i checked I didn't have any sisters or brothers so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up a lot of other people already know u are fake so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!
Me: can you give me some drum sticks to eat? Brother: Why though? Me: So I can just DRUM UP AN APPETITE
when your parents ask you to take out the trash you nock out your brother putting him in a closet and when your parent ask where he is you say i took him out like you said
Help! I got my brother pregnant.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.
I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.
