Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
British emo people be like, "Oi, I'm upset."
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
What did Paul Revere yell during a full moon?
The British are cumming! The British are cumming!
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas"
What do you call the original immigrants to the British Isles?
Anglosaxon.
The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?
Fish and chaps.
British tv: 🖥
Italian tv: 📺
Just because I don't like Lewis Hamilton, doesn't make me racist.
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖
You take a plane from Australia your mom is American your dad is British and. Your brother (and you) is Canadian (well because they traveled along many places) you are eating dinner but you realized you were going to europe. You went sleepy and you forgot your pet named “Strallia”. But she could not go anyways so you had to leave her. When you went to europe you were in the “COUNTRY-SIDE”
Roses are red,my name is Dan...tdm,I have a gun,GET IN THE VAN!
