British jokes

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.

—Shane Richie, British actor

You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.

You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."

Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀

British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎

American-accented, British pronunciation, what am I?

Either Canadian or European.

Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?

British cigarettes get smoked easily.

American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!

British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎

Smoking a fag in Britain: 🚬

Smoking a fag in America: hate crime.

An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.

They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.

"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.

The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.

"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."

They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.

"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.

When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.

"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."

Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.

The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.

"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.

"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."

"Just because I don't like Lewis Hamilton, doesn't make me racist."

BLM British Lives Matter.