What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What do British politics and transgender people have in common?
Both aren't what they used to be...
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎
Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀
British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
British tv: 🖥
Italian tv: 📺
What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?
Fish and chaps.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
British emo people be like, "Oi, I'm upset."
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas."
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!
