Bread jokes
What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?
Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 馃槀馃槀馃槀
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
How do you organize a rave party in Ethiopia? Just put some bread on the ceiling.
Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
I like peanut butter and honey.
Some bread teacher: What will Reddit be in a few years?
Dumb Kid: DEADit?
Bread Teacher: You get an FY for FUCK YOU!
Bread Teacher: It will be BREADit!
Student: Hah, that's VERY funny! Might as well go to DEADit so I can die of laughter.
Why did the plane crash?
Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bagel."
"Bagel who?"
"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"
Suck all the bread!
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
Why don鈥檛 Belgians eat shit sandwiches?
They don鈥檛 fancy bread!
I had a good time with friends!
Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: What鈥檚 the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
A: Knead for Speed.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let鈥檚 stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What鈥檚 a math teacher鈥檚 favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let鈥檚 stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What鈥檚 a math teacher鈥檚 favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: What鈥檚 a firefly鈥檚 favorite dance?
A: The glitterbug.
Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
A: Because they always make-up.
Q: Where do roses sleep at night?
A: In their flowerbed.
Q: Why was the shoe bad at gymnastics?
A: She was a flip-flop.
Q: What should you wear to a tea party?
A: A t-shirt.
Q: What鈥檚 rain鈥檚 favorite accessory?
A: A rainbow.
Q: Where does a sink go dancing?
A: The Dish-co.
Q: What鈥檚 a princess鈥檚 favorite time?
A: Knight time.
Q: Why did the Genie get mad?
A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
Q: What鈥檚 a ballerina鈥檚 favorite type of bread?
A: A bun.
Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
A: Hip hop.
Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
A: Shop 鈥榯il they hop.
Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
A: She nailed it.
Q: What is corn鈥檚 favorite music?
A: Pop.
Q: Why can鈥檛 Monday lift Saturday?
A: It鈥檚 a weak day.
Q: Why was the politician out of breath?
A: He was running for office.
Q: What is a soccer player鈥檚 favorite chemical element?
A: Goooooooooooold!
Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
A: He was a cheetah.
Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
A: Inside.
Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
A: He forgot his lawsuit.
Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
A: He crashed the computer.
Q: What鈥檚 a ball that you don鈥檛 throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
A: An eyeball.
Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
A: Shells.
Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?
A: In the fall.
Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
A: Because he knew he would pass.
Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?
A: Because it was flat.
Q: Why didn鈥檛 the farmer's son study medicine?
A: Because he wanted to go into a different field.
Q: What is the math teacher鈥檚 favorite dessert?
A: Pi.
Q: Why was the princess in the emergency room?
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.